Candace's Photography Blog Has Moved... The Banks Bunch blog is still here....

I have decided that it would be best to move my photography blog to a new site...I will continue to post family updates at this blog.

Please visit my photography site at:


Thursday, July 26, 2007

Where I am t-o-d-a-y...

today i'm doing's so hard to answer the same questions over and over again....and every day i think "i need to write this down on my blog....", but then nighttime comes and i'm so exhausted i can't stand it and i go to bed without writing... i can tell you that i'm pretty depressed since kelly comes and goes but mainly comes and stays. i want to get better...i desire to be the woman god created me to just sucks right house is a total disaster...the inside anyway...i spend my days forcing the child who's not at school to help me keep my yard looking nice..i've been doing a lot of yard work lately--planting pretty flowers that i found on the clearance racks for next to nothing, digging up 5 trees and replacing it with one, laying sod...pretty much wearing myself out physically b/c it's therapy for me and b/c i can't sit hurts too bad to sit and think about the fact that kelly is so far away, that my boys don't have their daddy...i guess i'm just sad and in avoidance mode...back to my house, the inside of my house is a total wreck...tons of dirty dishes, laundry, it's pathetic that i'm letting it go so bad...kinda symbolic, actually...the "house" is all pretty on the outside, but is a wreck on the inside... it's so hard to be a big girl and put on your big girl panties when your depressed...the anxiety hasn't let up, either...i don't know why i said today was a good day...i guess b/c there really have been worse ones than this. it's almost 10pm and what i SHOULD be doing is going to sleep, but instead, i'm trying to cross another thing off my list of things to do and that is write down how i'm doing so that people will know...i hope i don't sound ungrateful for people being's just overwhelming and i don't really need people to call or email, i just need a big hug--that's all--a huge hug...and a clean house would help, too...ha, ha! guess i'll go since i've adequately depressed anyone who's been brave enough to read this. oh yeah...did i mention that i miss my husband?........candace


Anonymous said...

hello girly!

if you want any help strighting up your casa, just give me a call.... I can atleast help out in that area!

yall's friend,

Karyl said...

Here's a virtual big hug! You and Kelly are in my prayers.

Julia Stewart said...

The first two weeks are the hardest. ... it does suck, and its hard and the dishes and laundry pile up - you don't go out, don't want to stay in, have too much time, have not enough time, you cry and snap at the kids and wonder what in the world you have gotten yourself into ... but it won't last forever and soon you will notice that the dishes get done, and you are kissing more than yelling and pancakes for dinner is a great idea.

During the first deployment you will grown emtionally and spiritually more than you ever thought possible.
Its a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself again.

as a friend of mine once said "welcome to the club that no one wants to be a member of!"


G'ampa C said...

I can read your post without being scared off. Love doesn't depend on feelings, it is simply a decision. God's decision to love us, and our decisions to love each other. I love you, and there are many others. We know you are in a tough place, and like our Master, we stand at the door and knock, regardless of dirty dishes and laundry.