Little update...that's all...

One of my friends and mentors, Karen Rich, had sent me an email asking me how I'm doing and so I wrote her back a lengthy explanation about some things...and since I figured I worked so hard at doing that, I'd just copy & paste it here on the blog so that yall can see some of the latest on me...

Here it is (sorry if parts of it I'm speaking to Karen...just insert your name wherever it says "Karen" and it'll work itself out...I know, I know, I'm being lazy...but would you rather me not post at all??????)


kelly deployed almost 3 weeks ago...he'll be gone for 6 months. it hasn't been easy, in fact, i've gotten VERY sick again...i had to send the kiddos away so that we could prevent hospitalization again. the kids left on tues and weren't supposed to come home until sunday, but my mom just called and said brendan's been crying the whole time...he's REALLY had a VERY hard time with daddy being gone and i knew it would be hard to be away from mommy, too, but thought that maybe it'd be ok b/c he loves my parent so much. it's been so hard on us all. kelly, bless his heart, is feeling sooo incredibly guilty...not b/c i'm saying things to make him feel guilty, but b/c he's away from us during such a hard time. anywho, looks like i'm going to be picking the kiddos up tomorrow...my mom is coming back here which will not be fun...you know, she has md and has a very hard time doing pretty much everything....i feel for her....and for there's always the risk that she'll fall and hurt herself or the kids and i just am not able to pick her up b/c of my fibromyalgia...like i said, it's not been good and we still have a very tough road ahead of us. my mom is having a hard time dealing with my mental illness...she's trying to be supportive, but like kelly, is very frustrated--it's amazing how when you're as depressed and anxiety-filled as i am right now how skewed the world looks and seems...and you can't just say "don't believe that--it's satan's lies...or don't feel that way b/c it's not the truth..."...well, it's MY TRUTH as I SEE IT...i try to change my perception and awareness, but there's only so much that i'm able to do. we're trying new meds and in the meantime god and i are having some serious discussions...i HAVE to have some healing, otherwise the kiddos won't have a mother and kelly won't have a wife...you know, i'm getting a lot out right now...thanks, karen!!!...i may copy this and put it on my blog...i've told people if they want to know how i'm doing, check the blog...

the boys will both be in school full time starting here pretty quick and so that'll bring some relief...i'm planning on having brendan in woodson's pre-k program...but i don't find out until august 20th whether or not he got in...and school starts on the 28th!...nothing like waiting until the last minute, huh??? i have a back-up plan, though...until aisd starts, i'll be sending them both full-time to rainbow bible school...i just love their program so i figure it's win-win either way....i am a little nervous about changing schools for b since there's so many other changes with daddy being gone, but he LOVES to ride the school bus and takes a lot of joy and pride in it and if he goes to woodson, he gets to ride the school bus...plus, there will be changes regardless b/c he'll be getting a new teacher at rbs...

a few elders are coming over here tonight to annoint me with oil...i'm looking foward to it--to see how and if any healing comes and to see what doors the lord opens for me that maybe i was so blinded by the depression that i perceived them as closed...

well, i've rambled on long enough...gonna get this sent off and write in my blog and try to do anything else i feel i just need to get done before tomorrow morning.

take care...i love you...hugs & blessings,
candace